


Star Wars s01e18: The Apartment

by enjolrarses



Series: D'Qar 99 [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: (except for Hux who is Gina), Alternate Universe - Fusion, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Leia as Holt, M/M, Poe as Jake, The rest as various detectives, brooklyn nine nine au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-06-05 08:51:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6698092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enjolrarses/pseuds/enjolrarses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Why is everyone staring at me?” he said. They hadn’t stopped when he looked back at them. He was feeling mildly uncomfortable.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>“You just called Captain Organa ‘mom’,” said Jessika gleefully <i></i></i>
</p>
<p>Or, a Brooklyn Nine-Nine AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	Star Wars s01e18: The Apartment

**Author's Note:**

> so this is my birthday present to @s0ccercop, who i promised the first installment of my b99 au, in that this is the first bit that i've finished. the rest will come. the prequel to this. when finn and poe get together and there's actual plot and stuff.  
> Anyway! enjoy!
> 
> (if anyone's confused about who sarge is, it's chewie.)  
> (also the finn/poe is mostly just mentioned at the beginning, i mostly tagged it because the whole series will be finn/poe oriented. when i, y'know, finish writing it.)
> 
> most of the dialogue is lifted right out of s01e18: the apartment. it doesn't belong to me. i do not belong to it. im just borrowing it for this scene.

The precinct was buzzing with activity, or maybe it was just the printer. Whatever it was, it was giving Poe a headache.

The day was, as ever, sunny when Poe was inside, rainy when he was out, cold as balls when he was in his shirt sleeves but too warm for his jacket. His tie was strangling him and he had a fifteen year old twerp in front of him who had somehow committed armed robbery successfully but then completely blown the running from the cops part, and was either angling for a future Creative Writing major or a stint in lockup, whichever came first.

“So again, your alibi is, a mysterious stranger handed you the gun, forced you to put your prints on it, robbed the store, and then hid the gun in your underpants,” he said with no small amount of skepticism. God, he wished Finn were here, but he was off on sick leave for a while. He’d caught some kind of bug while trying to catch a perp trying to run, and now he was holed up in their apartment trying not to choke on his own snot.

“Well yeah, you say it like that it don’t sound believable,” said the kid. Damn right it didn’t sound believable. In fact, it sounded like the plot to a wacky B-movie. The kid had a bright future ahead of him, if he could refrain from robbing grocery stores in broad daylight, or just at all, really.

Poe couldn’t really relate, but he felt sympathy for the kid, wish was more than he was likely to get from anyone else around town. He wasn’t stupid, he knew what the NYPD was like to black kids on the wrong side of the suburbs. He’d seen it before and he’d probably see it again; he tried to help, but the 99 was just one precinct in many.

He saw the Captain out of the side of his eyes, and breathed a sigh of relief. Anything to keep his mind off this shitshow of a day for just one second.  
“Hey, Captain,” he called out. “Did you get my report on the Finlay murder?”

Leia smiled. “Yeah, I looked it over. Nice work.”

And just like that, Poe’s day was automatically better. It was like sunshine when you step out of work instead of when you step into it, or getting good coffee from street stalls instead of caffeine infused sludge. Praise was like that, you know? The appreciation of your work, unasked for, was like a pat on the head. It’s what he imagined Baby felt when he gave her a treat.

It was even better coming from the Captain, who hardly ever gave out compliments.

“Thanks, mom,” he said, revelling in the feeling as he turned back to his paperwork.

A moment passed.

Then another.

He could feel eyes on him, crawling over his body like ants, or roaches. Big ones. The ones you find in your sink at three AM when you only wanted to wash your hands.

“Why is everyone staring at me?” he said. They hadn’t stopped when he looked back at them. He was feeling mildly uncomfortable.

“You just called Captain Organa ‘mom’,” said Jessika gleefully. Jessika, who had the password to precinct Twitter. Jessika, who took pleasure in watching Poe squirm, because they’d been in the academy together and that kind of bond doesn’t go away, just morphs into public embarrassment and vague avoidance at pivotal moments in your life. Jessika, who never lied. “You said, ‘Thanks, mom’”

She sounded just as happy the second time.

“What? No I didn’t!”

Denial wasn’t working out. Even the kid was in on it. He looked as if he was about to burst, along with the rest of the detectives and even some of the beat cops, and also Hux who not only had the password to the precinct Twitter but the one for all of New York City, and the Facebook too. Still, it was worth a shot. “I said ‘Thanks, ma’am.’”

“Do you see me as a mother figure, Dameron?” asked Captain Organa.

Oh god, and Poe did. The Captain was like the mother figure to beat all mother figures. Then again, Poe kind of collected parental figures like most people did plastic bags. Even the Sarge was like a father figure to him, and Poe couldn’t remember if he’d ever heard the Sarge say actual words instead of grunting.

“NO,” he said forcefully, like if he said it loud enough it would become true. “If anything I see you as a bother figure, because you’re always bothering me!”

There. That should do it. Rey still looked skeptical, but then again, Rey spent her life looking skeptical. Rey often had the look of someone surrounded by infants, which was fair enough given that she worked in the 99. If everyone else brought it, then Poe was home free.

“HEY,” said Sarge loudly, or grunted loudly, whichever was closest to the impression of words being said instead of actual words being said. “SHOW YOUR MOTHER SOME RESPECT.”

“I didn’t call her mom!” He was desperate now. Was he sweating? It seemed like he was sweating. Maybe he was sweating on the inside. His antiperspirant was pretty good, he shouldn’t be sweating on the outside.

“No, no no no, Poe, I take it as a compliment,” said Leia. She probably did. She was nice like that.

Rey snickered into her hand, because she was not nice like that.

“It’s not a big deal, I called Akiva ‘mom’ once, and she’s my fianceé” said Snap, which was not comforting.

“Guys! Jump on that!” said Poe. He could almost feel the sweat rolling down his forehead. He wished they’d stop looking at him. “Snap has psychosexual issues!”

Snap looked around at everyone with a vaguely offended look. Poe could already tell they weren’t going to let it drop.

“That’s not news,” said Rey. “But _you_ called Organa ‘mommy’.”

“‘Mommy is not on the table here,” said Poe, deadpan.

“You did call her mom,” said the kid. Poe was waiting for him to put his two cents in. He knew it was going to happen; he was surprised it hadn’t happened earlier.

“You shut up. You’ve done nothing but lie since you got here.”

“Alright, I was lying about the holdup,” he admitted, which was really more maturity than Poe expected. “But the ‘mom’ thing? That happened.”

“AHA!” said Poe. “He admitted that his alibi was a lie. It was a trap. All part of my crazy… devious plan.” _Perfect cover_ , he told himself. _Excellent_. _The kid himself would be proud._

“I believe you,” said the Captain.

“ _Thank you_ ,” Poe replied.

“Son,” she added.

Poe liked to imagine that in that moment, he turned to look at the camera like he was in The Office.

“You want to talk about it later, over a game of catch?”

“I’d like that,” said Poe softly, but mostly sarcastically. Really. He wasn't being serious at all.


End file.
